I’ve not been able to write the past few days due to illness. With the fires raging in my state and many others, the air quality has gotten so bad that I’ve been sick with a migraine/sinus problems and asthma. Last night when I let the dogs out, I could smell the smoke, thick in the air. The migraine medication I took causes other complications, which among other things instigated a fibromyalgia flair up. So this weekend has been dedicated to self-care and not beating myself up for not meeting the challenge of writing every day this month. Despite this, I plan to write for the rest of the month as much as I can.
I know there are a lot of people out there right now in tougher situations with these fires. Many have had to evacuate, some of have lost their homes. I’m fortunate in that I can seek shelter in my home right now. My love and intentions tonight go out to everyone having to deal with the fires all over the United States, in whatever capacity you are impacted.
I found this article today in Scientific American, “What if We Could Live for a Million Years?” by Avi Loeb. As you might expect it examines the idea of what life would be like for human if we could live for a million years. In such a span of time, some of the thoughts here are silly and intended to be so. We’re going to have to cap tenure, it states. Yeah, we’ll have to cap a few things, I’m thinking. And because we’re human we’d have to have stupid debates like what sort of health insurance would cover it and whether or not some people could save enough money to live a million years. I’m sure in the end we’ll iron out all the kinks and everyone will live happily ever after until our Sun goes critical or the entire universe collapses or some such.
It’s fun to think of these scenarios and I do wonder what it would be like if we humans managed to extend our life spans a significant amount. Perhaps with consciousness studies we could even learn how to cheat death and store our consciousness digitally. There are many fascinating philosophical questions we can ask. My question is, should it be something we even want?
It seems to me that our egos try awfully hard to draw out their lives, even way beyond their usefulness. The quest to live forever? That’s ego driven. There is so much more to me than my ego, and there’s so much more to everyone else. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We learn through each incarnation. We take those lessons and we move on to something else. I would not want to be stuck in ego existence for centuries, let alone for millennial or eons! This is spiritual stagnation.
In Buddhism one’s essence is in a constant state of change and flux, so there is no-permanent self (anatta). Buddhism teaches to not get attached to ego, as who we are always changes whether we want this or not. We grow old, we get ill, we lose a limb, we change our views, people come into and out of our lives. Suffering occurs when there is an inability to let our own idea of self/ego go because it creates rigidity. Rather than bend as the winds of change come, we crack when we tightly hold to what once was.
A good friend of mine said a while back, “To believe in a permanent self…is to deny the possibility of spiritual self-change.” If there is a permanet, sustained self, is there any real possibility of change or growth?
Perhaps if someone is a reductive materialist, eternal life in the body or some other material form sounds appealing. To me it sounds like a prison sentence.
I have found that when working with the Moon or a moon goddess such as Luna or Selene, it helps to set aside 10-20 minutes to meditate on the intention you are working on with her. The moon is all about the subconscious and that which is often hidden from our normal waking thoughts. When I set an intention and then clear my mind – if I can, obtain an alpha brain wave state – I find ideas and answers bubble up from the subconscious and I gain more clarity. Sometimes she speaks directly to me, but her voice is softer and more subtle than Venus, with whom I can always have direct conversations and wine parties. Venus will always hand it to me straight and hang out with me, while Luna offers up wisps of thoughts on cotton clouds. Where she ambushes me is in my dreams, and then I spend the next week deconstructing them and trying to figure out what they meant. Her messages are always potent and never to be underestimated!
Tonight is the New Moon in Leo at 8:41 PM MDT. I will make this entry short as I am conducting a new moon ceremony. The purpose of my posting every day during the month of August is to show off my Leo spirit and welcome some showy change into my life! Leo is about taking a little spotlight for oneself and show casing one’s talents. Writing and posting everyday has spurred on some tremendous ideas of where to take things next. I have ideas for a book on the Goddess Sophia and environmental spirituality, ideas on a business venture for shadow work and fully embracing one’s sexual nature, I even have new ideas for some fiction that I was calling astropunk until I discovered it already existed. It’s completely different from my idea though, so I’ll just have to think up a new name. But that’s okay, because I’m a creative spirit and I’ll think up something better!
There have been days I didn’t want to write because I’m tired from work, I want to play a computer game, I want to watch TV, and so on and on, but I’m glad I’ve stuck with it. I’ve gotten into the practice of writing again and I remember now why I enjoy it. I used to write all the time in my twenties and thirties. Then one day about 12 year ago, I just stopped. The Lion has been good to me this month. So tonight, it’s time to give a little back to Leo and Luna for all their help and guidance.
I wish everyone a happy and safe New Moon tonight!
Yesterday my partner and I were talking about ideas for starting our own business. The idea that rocketed to the top of the list was a consultation business for sexual acceptance of self. Whatever one’s gender preference, whatever one’s orientation, whatever one’s kink, or darkest, strangest, trippiest, or even vanilla sexual desires or no desires at all, it’s all alright. We’re all wired the way we’re wired. And there are safe, sane and consensual outlets for those desires to be met. We can help!
While we were brainstorming, I realized that I started to recoil a bit. I was immediately worried that by getting into a sex-based business, I was somehow short-changing myself. That there were more important things for me to do in this life, why would I do that?
But then I thought, WAIT A MINUTE! What’s wrong with it? Why am I falling into the same trap of the very people we want to help?
The strange truth about our culture in America is, we are sent mixed, confusing messages daily about sex daily. If you’re a woman, you’re suppose to be both liberated and modest. If you’re a man, you’re suppose to be both aggressive and sensitive. The media bombards us with flashes of objectified humans and psychologically ambushes us with products to make us all sexier, sharper, hyper-aggressive, übermensches. But you’re not supposed to act on those airs you purchased; you’re just suppose to look the part.
With no national dialogue on sex. We’re all a bundle of neurotic wrecks on the subject, including me. My mother was so hung up on sex that I never thought I could talk to her about it. I group up terminally embarrassed about the subject so there was so much I didn’t know until I got to college. But if I’m honest with myself, I learned most of what I know about sex through the internet like most people today.
I’ve met women who so identified with sexual purity due to their Christian fundamentalist upbringing, that they were unable to shed that identity when they got married. They were just suddenly expected to let go what was drilled into their minds since they were young children. They didn’t know who they were if not a virgin!
And that is why we need more people out there helping communities to gain a healthier understanding of sex, sexual orientation and gender in this country. Too many people think there is something wrong with themselves because they like something “deviant” or “immoral.” Often times what they are into is rather normal, they just don’t know it because people rarely open up and talk about it. People worry if they like sex too much, they worry if they don’t like it enough. God help then if they find they like having pain inflicted on them, or they like to inflict it on others. They bury these fears because they’re not supposed to like it by the standards of social norms.
It’s when these things are buried and unacknowledged that they become misshapen and grow into deviant monsters that hurt others. When we are aware of the shadow and start to integrate it, we can find constructive outlets for our desires and partners who are more aligned and eagerly willing to participate in our sexual needs.
So much ends up in that shadow, it’s got to be made of the most super dense material on the entire planet! I believe that to be the case. I think Americans are really good at super packing their shadows with dark treats just waiting to bite us all on the ass one day. It’s okay if you like that sort of thing, I don’t judge.
It’s healthy to talk about sex. What is not healthy is to not talk about it. So, my own shadow work this week will be to uncover why I recoiled when I really thought about a business that centered on sexual acceptance. Is it my Catholic background rearing its head, a fear of being rejected by my family, or something deeper?